Bringing sex toys into a relationship can feel like a big step — especially if it's new territory for one or both partners. The good news is that when approached with openness and care, it's one of the most effective ways to deepen intimacy, improve communication, and genuinely enhance your sex life together.
Here's how to do it well.
Why Couples Use Sex Toys Together
First, let's address the elephant in the room: some people worry that introducing a toy means something is wrong, or that they're not "enough" for their partner. This is one of the most common misconceptions about couples and sex toys — and it couldn't be further from the truth.
Research consistently shows that couples who use sex toys together report:
- Higher sexual satisfaction
- Better communication about desires and preferences
- Greater emotional intimacy
- More frequent and fulfilling sex lives
Sex toys aren't a replacement for a partner — they're an addition to the experience, like adding a new ingredient to a recipe you already love.
Step 1: Start the Conversation Outside the Bedroom
Timing matters. Bringing up sex toys in the middle of sex — or right before — puts your partner on the spot and doesn't give them space to process or respond thoughtfully.
Instead, bring it up in a relaxed, low-pressure moment. A casual conversation over dinner or during a walk is ideal. Keep the tone light and curious rather than serious or urgent.
Some ways to open the conversation:
- "I read something interesting about couples who use toys together — apparently it's really common. Have you ever thought about trying something like that?"
- "I've been curious about trying [specific thing]. Is that something you'd ever be open to exploring?"
- "I want us to keep things exciting — would you be up for trying something new together?"
The goal of the first conversation isn't to make a decision — it's just to open the door.
Step 2: Listen Without Pressure
Your partner's response might be enthusiastic, hesitant, or somewhere in between. All of those are valid.
If they're hesitant, ask what their concern is — and actually listen. Common concerns include:
- Feeling insecure — worried the toy means they're not satisfying you
- Unfamiliarity — they've never used toys and don't know what to expect
- Embarrassment — it feels awkward or taboo to them
Reassure them that this is about adding to your experience together, not replacing anything. And make it clear there's no pressure — you're exploring the idea, not issuing an ultimatum.
If they need time to think about it, give them that time. Don't bring it up repeatedly or make them feel guilty for being cautious.
Step 3: Shop Together
One of the best ways to make introducing toys feel collaborative rather than one-sided is to shop together. Browsing options as a couple — whether online or in a store — turns it into a shared adventure rather than one partner presenting the other with something they chose alone.
Tips for shopping together:
- Browse at home, relaxed, without time pressure
- Let both partners veto anything that doesn't feel right — no explanations needed
- Start with something approachable rather than the most intense option available
- Read product descriptions and reviews together
Our full collection at Sweetly Sassy Toys is a great place to start browsing together.
Step 4: Start Simple
If one or both partners are new to toys, start with something low-stakes and non-intimidating. The goal of the first experience is to have fun and build comfort — not to have the most intense experience possible.
Great starter options for couples:
Vibrating cock rings — Worn by the penetrating partner, they add clitoral stimulation for the receiving partner during sex. Minimal adjustment to your usual routine, maximum added sensation. Browse our Cock Rings collection.
Bullet vibrators — Small, simple, and versatile. Can be used by either partner during foreplay or sex for added stimulation. Browse our Eggs & Bulletscollection.
Massage candles — Not a traditional "sex toy" but a great entry point. Melts into warm massage oil and sets a sensual mood without any pressure. Browse our Massage Candles collection.
Couples kits — Curated bundles designed for two that take the guesswork out of choosing. Browse our Kits collection.
Step 5: Set the Scene
The first time you use a toy together, set yourselves up for success. Choose a time when you're both relaxed, not rushed, and genuinely in the mood — not when one of you is tired or stressed.
- Put phones away
- Create a comfortable, private environment
- Have lube on hand (always a good idea)
- Agree in advance that it's okay to stop or change course at any point
Go in with a spirit of curiosity and playfulness rather than performance. If something feels awkward or doesn't work the way you expected, laugh about it and try something else. First attempts rarely go perfectly — and that's completely fine.
Step 6: Talk About It Afterward
Aftercare isn't just for BDSM — checking in after any new intimate experience is good practice. Ask each other:
- What did you enjoy?
- Was there anything that didn't feel right?
- Is there something you'd want to try differently next time?
Keep the conversation positive and curious. The goal is to learn what works for both of you so you can build on it.
What If My Partner Says No?
Respect it — fully and without resentment. A "no" to a specific toy or activity is not a rejection of you. It's your partner communicating their boundaries, which is exactly what you want them to feel safe doing.
You can ask if there's a specific concern you can address, or if there's something adjacent they might be more open to. But if the answer is simply no, accept it gracefully. Pressuring a partner into sexual experiences they're not comfortable with damages trust and intimacy — the opposite of what you're trying to achieve.
Frequently Asked Questions
What's the best first toy for couples? A vibrating cock ring or a small bullet vibrator are the most popular starting points — they're easy to use, non-intimidating, and add stimulation for both partners without requiring major changes to your routine.
What if I'm embarrassed to bring it up? That's completely normal. Start by framing it as curiosity rather than a request — "I've been curious about this, have you ever thought about it?" takes the pressure off both of you.
What if we try it and one of us doesn't like it? That's useful information. Not every toy works for every couple. Put it aside and try something different. The willingness to explore together matters more than any specific outcome.
Do sex toys replace intimacy? No — when used together, they enhance it. The communication, vulnerability, and shared exploration involved in introducing toys often brings couples closer, not further apart.
How do we clean and store toys safely? Wash with warm water and mild soap or a dedicated toy cleaner after every use. Store in a clean, dry place — ideally in a dedicated pouch or case. Browse our Furniture, Machines & Storage collection for discreet storage options.
Ready to Explore Together?
Browse our full collection at Sweetly Sassy Toys — from beginner-friendly starters to advanced couples toys, all discreetly packaged and shipped. Because the best relationships keep growing.
Holly is a Certified Sex & Kink Educator and Relationship & Intimacy Coach with more than 20 years of experience in sexual wellness and pleasure products. She is the founder of Sweetly Sassy Toys and The Pleasure Professor.